Infectulated, in every zone

(any Squidbillies fans out there? Otherwise the post title will not be nearly as meaningful)

Fuckin' damn! The illness is back. The hacking, disgusting cough has returned with the sleeplessness and I-got-ran-over-by-a-truck feeling. Fugger!! It's back to the Dr. this afternoon.

My husband wants me to find a "real" doctor instead of hitting up the Minor Med folks again. Uh, no thanks. Real doctors want to establish some type of "relationship" with you. They look at your medical history and order tests and want to put you on daily meds and send you to therapy and do all kinds of shit that you don't have the time, money, or desire to do. Real doctors try to get in your business and suggest that you lose weight and get treated for your depression. Again, no thanks.

Basically, doctors have told me that the root of all my issues is my excess weight and if a problem is not directly connected to my weight then it is "in my head" and related to my depression. So, I am making myself sick. It's all my fault. If I was a better person, I would not get sick. I am flawed. Yadda, yadda, yadda. So no, I'm not ready to establish another "relationship" with a so-called authority figure that is just gonna make me feel shittier than before.