Shee-it

Yesterday was a fail and today I am slogging thru the muck of poor choices. I couldn't make it out of the checkout isle without grabbing a trigger food and that was the pebble that started the avalanche of spending, eating, purging. Fail, fail, fail... I had been doing so well Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday that I got smug. I even remember thinking "gee, this isn't even close to being as hard as the other times." And that's when it all fell apart...

Here are the things that I think contributed to the fail. These are NOT excuses. There are no excuses as everything can be worked around. Plus, shooting yourself in the foot doesn't count as an excuse, that's just your own damn stupidity.

1. I am freaking out about $$, the fact I have no job and no prospects and my unemployment is running out. Tracking my spending is just making me more nervous and has contributed to the desire to spend $$ and the shopping binges. I still feel bad about the $38 I spent on Wednesday.

2. I am fighting a stomach bug. Low carb foods and nausea just don't jive. I gave up and ate macaroni and sf pudding yesterday. If I had been a good anorexic, I would have just embraced the opportunity to eat nothing. Damn you survival instinct!!

3. I weighed myself. Fuck. My rational brain knows I can't lose 15 or 10 or even 5 pounds a week, by my crazy brain still some how expects a few days of healthy eating and a few workouts will fix everything. Fuck... I know that I lose weight slowly, that's just how it is. I can expect to lose 2-5 lbs a month if I am firing on all cylinders. Binging is not firing on all cylinders.

Today I pick up and move on. I'm not sure what to do about exercise as I am still feeling sickish. I want to go shopping again as my husband is out of town and it seems like the only good way to get out of the house and amuse myself and stay away from the food. Of course, that could very well give me more stress if I find something I can't live without...