Shout outs

Hey all, I'm back. Got over my snit and have been sorta busy, sorta doing stuff other than blogging.

I have a lot to talk about, but right now I just have time for shout outs to blogland folks:

Auden, I can't comment on your blog since you changed to the new lay out. :( I really, really, very much want to do that Insanity program, but know I would just die. Seriously. Suicide by exercise.

K from Skinny, I love how your rational accountant mind works in relation to analyzing the "do I have a reason to be unhappy?" thing. I smiled while reading it. My mom is the same way (and she is also an accountant!) Many a time she has tried to reason me out of a depression. And I see your (and her) points and I know things are not as bad as they seem, but my creative, intuitive, and emotional mind just gets stuck on the badness. I can rationalize myself out of it for a while, but then I just fall back into that rut of sadness. Personality flaw, I guess.
And I understand about not knowing where to meet guys. After I graduated college, my prospects totally dried up. I don't have any advice other than to maybe try speed-dating. I toyed with the concept during a time when husband and I were not together (before we got married.) I liked it better than the internet thing as you get an honest visual and I can always tell within 5 minutes with a guy if I want to spend more time with him or not. If they have those things here in my little Kansas town I'm sure they have them in your big city. Unless they are now passe...

Harlow, aww girl. I'm glad you are getting help. I know I was part of the legions that told you how great you looked and how I admired you drive (and that is still true today) but I was also thinking that you really do exercise A LOT and that eating 300 cals a day is really just not healthy. I just want you to find peace. I'm in your corner whatever you do.

Lisalisa, thanks so much for the supportive comment :) I know you understand how much depression sucks. Can you (or anyone else) recommend any anti-depressant meds that don't cause weight gain? I took Prozac years and years ago and blew up like a balloon, but there may have been other factors at work. Thanks for reading me!

Hum...

Disappointed, but not surprised. Blog land is just like real life in many ways...

3 great things I learned today

1. They don't weigh you at the urgent care place! How awesome is that? Pretty damn awesome I say! I know better than an medical professional how fat I am due to obsessive daily weighings and visual assessment of fat rolls. Thanks for recognizing the benefits of not telling me that I need to lose 20 lbs while I am already feeling shitty. If this is a marketing ploy, whoever came up with it is certainly due a bonus in my book. They will be my first line of medical care from now on, based solely on this fact. AND, they gave me a Rx for codeine cough syrup! I can't wait to cuddle up with that tonight!!

2. I cooked Brussels sprouts today and found them to not suck. I don't know what the big deal is about. They tasted kinda like broccoli only stronger. I'm not saying they will become a daily staple, but I will buy them again.

3. Due to Kitty's stellar advice, I now have a way of knowing when I have achieved blog greatness--When I piss off enough folks that I am slapped with internet sanctions and a content warning. I have something to work towards now. Time to buy a chandelier so I can have crazy swinging sex and share, share, share.

Questions and ramblings

First off, should I add one of those content warning things since I swear so much? I guess I should, but I consider myself kinda tame to need a content warning. Perhaps if I add one I will become a sexy rock star or something interesting. Fake it 'til ya make it and all that.

Second, I am still sick (this shit-crap started LAST Friday) so I seriously think it is time to throw in the towel and seek medical help. Of course, the situation is complicated by the fact I don't have a doctor to go to. I didn't have insurance for 14 month due to the job loss and for years before that had insurance that changed every fucking year so I just quit trying to keep up with who and what is covered and all that. Yes, I have a pretty low opinion of the current state of medical affairs in the country, but that is shit I'm not getting into here and now. All I want is a quick trip to the urgent care and some drugs. I really just want to sleep for more than 2 hours at a time. Oh, and not to be coughing like a TB patient. I'm hoping I can obtain those things tomorrow and not get sent into a rage over co-payments and other such bullshit.

Third, I could yammer on about the insane amount of $$ I have put on my credit cards ordering designer jeans that I know will be too small and have no intention of keeping, but frankly the lack of sleep is wearing me down and all I wanna do is go play Peggle. Yes folks, I am that lame. Ciao.

Feelin' the luv

First off, a big shout out to K at Skinny (sorry, I don't know how to add links and I'm too lazy right now to figure it out) for the endorsement. I love her blog, too. Smoochy, smooch, sending internet luv your way K!

Ok, on with the show. I finally went grocery shopping today and bought food. I had been holding out for a few weeks to get the fridge and pantry cleaned out. We now have no rice, pasta, or potatoes in the house and I plan to keep it that way as long as possible. I got salad stuff and other low-carb staples, plus a bunch of crap food (chocolate bars, chips, etc.) for my hubby. Oh, and I did buy a mini-cake 'cuz today is our 2-month anniversary, and it was on sale. A girl needs a last hurrah, right?

So, starting tomorrow, I'm really gonna get my act together. It has been 2 months since the wedding and I have gained about 12lbs and am barely squeezing into my jeans. Starting tommorow its low-carb for as long as I can do it, then carb rotation (2 low-carb days and 1 high day) until I "find half" and reach my goal. I'm also gonna get back to the 2x daily workouts and water drinking. I need some new workout shoes really badly, so I can't do the 2-a-days until I get that issue taken care of. (You only have 2 knees, and life's a bitch if you blow them out.)

Since I'm feeling nostalgic, I'm gonna post some pics of me from the wedding. Please be kind. I was 138 in these pics and my goal weight at the time was 135. Now, after evaluating how I looked, I have decided on a new goal weight of 119.





I gotta go walk the dog and wash dishes as hubby invited people over later. I would like to just sit on the couch and blog all night, but I gotta be social.

Recovery is for skinny girls

Several months ago, I started looking around the 'net and reading ED recovery blogs. As someone who has danced the dance on and off for over 20 years, I thought I could perhaps find insight into my own situation. And there are many lovely people out there doing great things and getting their shit together and I am happy to have been given insight into their lives. But...

...Today it all just makes me sad. Why? you say. Well, for this reason that uncovers what a petty and jealous person I am. I don't even want to say it out loud, but I shall, because what's the point if I'm not keepin it real?I am discouraged with the recovery blogs I am reading because, well, Those girls are still skinny! They get to recover and still be thin. Does anyone ever actually get a high BMI in recovery? Do they just not talk about it? Do you have to quit your recovery blog if you actually end up chunky?

I just feel so BAD about myself today. I am not thin, not recovered, and obviously not even good at having ED.